I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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