Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
