just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
