I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
