So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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