Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
