It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
