I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
