I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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