Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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