Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
