if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
