I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
