I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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