I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
