ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
