dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
