He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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