Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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