I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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