We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
