Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
