sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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