Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
