Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
