I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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