Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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