11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
