What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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