Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
