So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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