One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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