if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
