and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
