i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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