i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
