i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
