I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So squirting runs in the family.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
