So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
