respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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