dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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