I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Randomize
