i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
