I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We are all done wearing pants today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
