if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
