I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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