Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
