i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
