6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
