I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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