Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
