belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
