yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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